What is an alpha submissive? Why do we need to put a label on them? Why do many consider that there is no such thing as an alpha?
What follows is very much a generalization based on my own interactions with people in the lifestyle. As a a ‘pre-Domme Switch’ as the writer, are always differences to the way people think, so there will be some that will agree and some that will disagree with what I’ve written. And that is fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
I can’t say why the term ‘Alpha’ is used, but the subject always causes a great deal of debate. It’s possibly because we use the term “Alpha Male” or “Alpha Female” in the vanilla world, but the term is used more to describe the personality type rather than the role. In life, there is a massive melting pot of different personalities ranging from completely Dominant to completely submissive. I’m talking here about people’s natural state, some people have a natural ability to lead, while others are natural followers. The default state of an alpha generally tends to be somewhere closer to the leadership end of the scale. But this doesn’t mean that they are a Dominant in denial, they really do want to submit to the right person.
Alphas don’t think they’re above other types of submissive and are certainly not saying, “Hey, look at me. I’m better than you.” Everyone is equal, a submissive is a submissive regardless of the ‘type’ of submissive they identify as. I’ve seen comments such as “well if you’re an alpha sub, does that make me a beta sub?” My answer is no.
When it comes to labels, for the love of all whips, I have no idea why some people need a label in order to identify or pigeonhole themselves, but some do. In my opinion, there is no need, and personally I don’t label myself other than to say pre-Domme Switch. If I were to attempt to explain the ‘type’ of Domme I am, I would be here for hours trying to write it and there is absolutely no way I could even attempt to put a label on it. Nor should I have to. There’s no right or wrong way, and if a Dom and a submissive get along, it really doesn’t matter what they label themselves as (if they try to put a label on it at all). What’s important is that the dynamic and the relationship work for them!
Before we go on, remember, I’m talking about alphas and the alpha mindset, not other ‘types’ of submissive. But what I’ve written may well apply to other ‘types’ of submissive and that’s fine too. Just remember the term ‘alpha’ is a personality and not a role. Maybe you have an alpha personality and this doesn’t apply to you. Fair enough. But it does apply to the majority of alpha types that I’ve interacted with.
If you ever meet an alpha, you could be forgiven for assuming that you’ve met a Dominant. You’d even be forgiven for making the mistaken assumption that you’re talking to a complete soul-eater willing to walk all over everyone and everything to get what they want.
And to an extent you’d be right because an alpha usually knows exactly what they are, what they want, what they need and have a fair idea about how they’re going to get it, even if they’re new to the lifestyle. But this doesn’t mean they’re not respectful because they are. And it certainly doesn’t mean they’ll use their ‘personality’ as an excuse for being rude, bratty or ignore protocols within the lifestyle. A newbie might make mistakes, but that’s true of anyone who’s new and learning, no matter what role you’re in so allowances should be made for this. They will often come across as very direct and will leave you with no doubt about intentions. They exude confidence, command respect, have high standards and is usually very proud of accomplishments.
An alpha want’s to be owned, (taken even) but only by the right dominant, one that knows exactly how to handle them, how to push the right buttons and how to use control. They’ll test you to your limits, and do it quickly. They’ll ask the same question in a number of different ways because they don’t want to waste time. They want to see any signs that the Dominant they’re talking to isn’t right early on. And if they feel you don’t have what it takes to really give them what they need, they’ll walk away. Unfortunately, this can often result in being seen as a fake or playing games. But this is far from the truth. If you’re not the right Dominant, it’s better for both of you that you find out sooner rather than later.
An alpha isn’t a Dominant. Far from it, in fact. They wants to surrender to a Dominant, be treated like the property of a Dominant to be used for his pleasure, just like any submissive. That doesn’t mean that they’ll allow themselves to be abused. They will only allow themselves to be controlled by someone who’s shown that they really deserve their submission. In return, the Dominant gets a loyal, devoted submissive who’s right for them and wants nothing more than to please their Dominant. But if they think you’re just ‘playing at being a Dominant’, you’ll get chewed up and spit out so fast that you won’t know what hit you.
An alpha wants and needs attention, maybe not constantly, but you must challenge them intellectually and discipline them if they step out of line. Don’t ask them, tell them what you want. If you show any sign of weakness, they’ll take control, and that’s no fun for an alpha because they really don’t want to be in control. Really, they don’t. They needs you to be assertive (but not aggressive) and impose your will. They want to be tamed, need you to make them WANT to let go and submit while at the same time they wants the loving, nurturing companionship found in any other D/s relationship.
An alpha is often (but not always) in a dominant position in their vanilla life. An example could be having a senior position at work. This doesn’t mean that every submissive in a good job is an alpha, and this is a generalization, but you will usually find that an alpha has some form of responsibility and, as a result, they can find it hard to ‘switch off’. This is why it takes a very strong Dominant to make one a captive. The problem for the alpha female is that most men are brought up to be gentle and respectful towards women and when they come across a strong woman, they often over compensate on the nice, polite, soft approach. This is the complete opposite of what the alpha female needs. She wants to be manhandled, she wants to be ‘taken’, she wants to be overpowered. She wants her man to ‘be a man’!
An alpha (female) will fiercely protect her Dominant and his ‘property’, including any others within the dynamic, like they’re her own. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s good for the Dominant too as he knows his property is under the watchful eye of someone that will stand up for what’s right. He also knows that his submissive is more than capable of looking after herself should the need arise. In fact, the alpha will need her Dominant to trust her to do so, safe in the knowledge that she can call on His help if it’s needed.
All submissives have their ideas of what they look for in a Dominant and that Dominant must continue to display those qualities and give their submissive what they need. It can be hard for any submissive to find the right Dominant because they know (or at least should know) exactly what they’re worth. They should hold out for “the one” and in the end their patience will pay off because by waiting for the right partner, who’s worthy of their submission, the rewards for the submissive are just as intense as the rewards for the Dominant. But it can be even more difficult for an alpha because they have such a strong personality and this can lead to the alpha feeling that they will never find “the one”.
The rewards of being involved with an alpha are immense. If you can break through that tough outer shell and break down the walls you will find a fascinating, intelligent, sensual, loving, passionate and loyal submissive that will be everything you ever dreamed of and much more. Because alphas, and the Dominants they’re attracted to, are usually highly intelligent, some fascinating debates and banter can take place with each literally ‘bouncing’ off the other and thus adding to the sexual chemistry within the dynamic. Especially if she wins in the battle of wills but he turns it against her in a battle in the bedroom.
But the same can be said of any D/s relationship. In fact, what I’ve described as an alpha could be used to describe pretty much any ‘type’ of submissive, because as I said at the beginning, the term ‘alpha’ relates to the personality type, not the role. If you’re with the right Dominant, the chemistry, the trust, the companionship and the sense of belonging together are second to none. Once you’re deemed to be ‘the one’ and you get that submission that your submissive is so desperate to give, your relationship will go from strength to strength, like an unstoppable tsunami. So, perhaps we should dispense with labels altogether and just say that the right submissive with the right Dominant are the ultimate match made in heaven!