“So, Is This a Relationship or What?”

Someone in a group I participate in posted a link to an article entitled:

5 Signs That He’s Just Not That Into You

Aside from the overall ick factor of making assumptions, instead of just asking, the big kicker for me was the part that read:

“They’ll make everything out to be casual and say things like, ‘let’s not think about it” or “let’s just see where this goes naturally.’

They insist that your persistence in defining what the two of you are is an overreaction and you need to “chill out.”

They’re wrong. You don’t need to calm down, but you do need to move on.”

I agree with the premise that, if a person invalidates your feelings, they are not for you and you should probably move on.

However, isn’t insisting upon a label when someone doesn’t yet feel comfortable with a label just invalidating their feelings in return?

The deeper message here is: If they don’t commit to a label you want, they don’t like you.

They aren’t “into you,” whatever that means.

I call bullshit.

Let me tell you a bit about me: I live a crazy life. Between having a busy social life, my gemology passion, being a migraine sufferer and generally experiencing life, my time is valuable to me.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, I am not generally a “fools rush in” type when it comes to relationships.

Partially because I just can’t get super deep super fast, because I don’t have the time.

Partially because it’s not in my nature.

And mostly because I understand that how people act (consistently or non-) over time tells me more about them than their words at the start of a relationship.

So labels don’t work well with me, at least not for the first few months or so.

And it’s not that I devalue a need to understand where we could be going (although I’m not sure I can that earlier than it becomes clear). I’m happy to discuss the possibilities and what I’m open to.

It’s just that I don’t get it.

If I make time in my life for you, I’m into you.

Now, I guess it may not be that way with everyone.

Some people may enjoy frittering away and wasting their time.

I don’t.

I spend time on people I value.

YOU, I value. I write for YOU, whoever you are, reading this. I value you. And if you write to me, I will answer, because I value you. And if we keep writing, you will know I continue to value you, because I am making time with you a priority.

And If I make time in my life to meet you for tea, to hang out for lunch, to go to a meal and chat, it’s because I value you.

If I go on a date with you, hiking with you, travel with you, it’s because I value you.

If I invite you places with my friends and I, even if you can’t make it, it’s because I enjoy your presence.

My value, my “into you” does not need a label for me to feel it and be 100% sincere.

If you need a label…

I will work hard to discuss that with you, and come up with something. I may not be able to give you an answer you want or are satisfied with, and I’m sorry if that happens.

It does not mean I’m not into you, although it may well mean I am not showing you I’m into you in a way that FEELS right to you, and that’s OK.

I dunno.

It just set me off on a rant, this one, I guess.


48 Phrases You Wish You Could Say at work…But are Appropriate Elsewhere

1. Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited again.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
27. Do I look like a people person?
28. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
30. You!… Off my planet!
31. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
32. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
33. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
34. Allow me to introduce my selves.
35. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
36. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
37. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
38. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
39. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
40. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
41. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door 1?
42. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
43. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
44. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
45. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
47. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
48. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

A Sweet Daydream

I slip under the covers with you, snuggle up to your sleep-warm body, wrap my arms around you and give you soft kisses all over your face, lips, neck, collarbone, chest, nipples, stomach and pelvic bone. I feel you slowly growing harder against my me, a soft smile touching the corners of your mouth. I tease your cock with my lips and tongue, running the tip of my tongue right under the head, with slow and lazy motions, occasionally taking you into my mouth for just a moment and letting you enjoy.

As I kiss back up your body, I place your cock between my breasts and let you move there for a teasing moment, feeling you growing still harder and beginning to throb with pleasure.

You then run your long fingers through my hair, grabbing both hands full and pulling my mouth up to yours for hungry kisses. While one hand stays wrapped in my hair, the other runs down my spine and grabs my ass, motioning for me to lower myself onto you.

I slide you inside of me, savoring every pulsing and awaiting inch. You release a moan when you feel how warm, wet and tight I am. After an unknown time, you sit up and I wrap my legs around your waist and we still our motions. We embrace, kiss passionately and feel our hearts sync into a singular rhythm.

After some time, your arms tighten around me and roll me onto my back. You run one hand down my leg and pull it upwards so you can slide in just a bit deeper with each slow thrust.

As our pleasure starts to build, I begin to move my hips and join your thrusting to prolong that feeling. Our passion begins to take us over, your thrusting increases in intensity. I feel you biting on my neck and shoulder while I run my nails down your back and grab your ass. You then grab both of my hands and raise them over my head, our fingers entwined.

With your last thrusts, our bodies begin to quake with the exquisite feeling of a long-awaited and explosive simultaneous orgasm as we cry out together. As the waves of our lovemaking slowly subside, we roll onto our sides with you still inside of me, sharing tingling afterglow kisses.

As we lay that way in bed, arms around each other, we slowly drift into a light and loving doze.


30 Ways to Annoy Someone

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “erotic massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and
announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog”.
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”.
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training”.
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your
neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy
them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person”.
26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

What Facebook Relationship Statuses Really Mean

Women: I’m single again! Now’s my chance to have that special me time and hang out with my best girls. I get to go out for a night on the town, order a couple of Cosmos and flirt with the bartender of that new bar downtown. At least, if he decides to ask me to have an after hours drink, I can say yes!
Men: PARTY! Time to call the guys and get wasted. Woohoo!

Women: So I’ve been seeing this cute bartender. I met him one night when I went out with some of my girlfriends. It’s been a bit hard since he works nights, so I only see him on certain days. Other days though, he doesn’t even call. So when people ask me if I’m seeing someone, I always say it’s complicated.
Men: I’ve just added another fuck buddy to my calendar. Problem is, she’s only available on the same night as Amber. Fuck me. Oh well, guess I’ll have to find a way to fit her into my schedule.

Women: I finally have a boyfriend. I’m so ecstatic! Now I have someone to cuddle with at night and finally bring home for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait for him to meet my family.
Men: Crap. Now I have to remember to put the toilet seat down. And to delete Amber’s number from my phone. Damn.

Women: We’ve finally made it official! There’s someone who shares my lifelong hopes and dreams. I can already picture the white picket fence and gorgeous green lawn. It’s going to be wonderful. As long as he quits his job as a bartender and finds something more stable too, things will be perfect.
Men: Bachelor Party! Vegas here we come, baby! I’m looking forward to a few hangover episodes myself. Bam!

Women: I’ve met the man of my dreams. I had the most beautiful wedding with the perfect gown and the best groom a girl could ask for. He even served up mixed drinks just like Tom Cruise in Cocktail, so cute! And now we already have a baby on the way. Life is grand!
Men: So I’ve finally given in to the ball and chain. That’s it, my life as I know it is over. On the plus side, I get to have sex regularly and I don’t need to use a condom. Yay, me.

Women: I hate him! The asshole was cheating on me with some stupid chick named Amber. What the hell kind of name is that anyway? She sounds like a slut. He better cough up that alimony, and soon. Idiot thinks I can take care of 3 kids on my own. Worst mistake of my life.
Men: Fuck. Should have deleted Amber’s name when I had the chance. Good thing my job in Harry’s is still waiting for me.

So before you decide to even go near your Facebook profile again, take a second to ponder what exactly you want people to know. Whether you decide to tell the whole world that you’re either single, in a complicated relationship, or tied down with 2 kids, 4 dogs, 3 cats and another puke maker on the way, think again. I’m pretty sure the high school crush you’ve been cyber stalking since they became officially single once more isn’t as cute as they were in 1998. That profile picture was probably taken at a really good angle. About 10 years ago.

BDSM 101: The Bones of a D/s Relationship

BDSM relationships are not easy, they are not simple and there is no “normal” dynamic. I’ve said before that there is no way to describe the ultimate BDSM relationship, however there are certain protocols that create a sound foundation for one. Without a majority of these, a D/s relationship can be chaotic, full of misunderstandings, anger and jealousy.

Honest Communication

When you first meet someone I believe it is best to be honest about your desires, expectations and experience. You don’t need to force them to listen to you while you tell them your life story, but the major events, anything that could affect your relationship should be noted after a few dates/meetings or after things have gotten a bit more serious.

I also believe in voicing any concerns or issues within the relationship freely between each other. If you can, try to approach a problem after you have had time to think about it yourself. This will give you time to detach any emotions you were feeling at the time of the incident and look at it from a different perspective.

If need be, you can always ask an unbiased third party to examine the situation and give you advice.

Open Negotiations

If you decide to pursue a serious D/s relationship with someone the next step would be to discuss negotiations. You will go over different topics depending on whether this negotiation is for an individual scene or the relationship. You will discuss your limits, safewords, what activities will be involved in a scene, what rules you will follow, punishments for breaking a rule, what daily activities your top will have control over and what daily activities or “chores” the bottom will have to complete. Again, not all of these will apply directly to YOUR relationship, but the negotiations should always take place before you have a scene with someone new.

Without negotiations your relationship may always feel like it is on the edge. The Top could claim they didn’t know that knife play was a hard limit or the bottom could decide to pursue other tops without clarification that their current relationship was supposed to be monogamous. These simple misunderstandings could lead to jealousy and anger, but are easily avoided with thorough negotiations or going over a BDSM checklist together.

(If you want to be formal with your negotiations, discuss your details and create a written contract.)


Both partners must respect each other. If you do not have respect for that person, then it is going to be difficult to trust them in a scene and then there is no where to move forward. Respect means being faithful to your agreed negotiations and being honest with your partner. Also, being respectful does not mean you have to agree with them 100% of the time. You are allowed to safe word or bring up an issue you feel is important, but how you go about doing that is the key. Be calm and do not break rules in the process of trying to prove a point.


There are two main thoughts on safety in BDSM. The first is SSC, which means “Safe, Sane, Consensual” and the second is RACK, which means “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. They differ on the degree of safety (Those who practice by “SSC” largely looks down upon edge play because it is more dangerous than other forms of BDSM, but RACK allows for more riskier play as long as the partners are aware of possible complications and take appropriate safety precautions).

To be as safe as you can, make you sure you do plenty of research before attempting an activity. If you can, speak to someone who has tried it before and get tips and advice from those more experienced.

Be sure you are aware of any potential danger related to the activity. If there are medical issues, do more research on how to avoid an embarrassing trip to the Emergency Room.

Remember, it is the Top’s responsibility to keep the bottom safe. A Top should never lead a bottom into unsafe situation. We trust a Top to guide us safely, and to teach us, through new experiences.

These are a few of the things that are needed to create a solid D/s relationship and, really, almost any relationship. Remember, every relationship is different and may require different attributes, so be sure to discuss your dynamic with your partner.





BDSM 101: First Time Playing with Someone

The first time you ever play with someone might be exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. As with anything new you must be cautious and make your safety the utmost importance. Even if you know the other person, playing together for the first time means you need to be wary of what might happen and how it might happen. Here are a few do’s and don’ts you might want to keep in mind.

DO: Play With Someone You Know And Is Trustworthy

An important acronym in BDSM is SSC “Safe, Sane And Consensual”

One way of making sure you live by the safe and sane part is to ensure you only ever engage in any form of BDSM with someone you truly know inside and out and who has proven through thick and thin they are trustworthy.

Remember trust is earned and it is earned through a person’s actions proving they are trustworthy. This takes time which means be patient and be selective of who you give your trust to.  That is why I suggest to only play with people who you have known for long periods of time as they have taken the time to show you they are trustworthy and you have seen who they truly are as a person. This is essential part for any of the rest of this list to work.

“First Comes Trust, Then Comes Submission”

The same should be said for Domination, bondage, flogging, etc.

Trust should come before any play ever takes place. Trust is when a person’s actions match their words proven over a period of time. It is not earned instantaneously.

DON’T: Play With Anybody You Don’t Know And Don’t Trust

I know the unknown can be super exciting, but the unknown is also unsafe. The reason is since you don’t know this person, you do not know the most important things about them, including whether:

  • Are they a sociopath or psychopath with little to no empathy for others
  • Are they trustworthy and thereby will abide by your agreement and respect your limits
  • Are mentally healthy and stable enough to play
  • Do they have any anger issues
  • Do they know what they are doing and understand the safety measures they must follow

It is important for people to not underestimate the dangers they can face being with someone they don’t know. In a BDSM play scene, people are placed into very vulnerable and truly compromising positions with no way of protection other than a safeword which you have no idea will stop the scene when you are with someone you don’t know.

Chances are fairly high that the idea of being tied up naked in the middle of a subway station in downtown New York would be a dangerous thing to do. You are completely vulnerable and at the mercy of complete strangers. There is no telling what kind of danger you could be in.

I hate to say it, but it is just as unsafe to pick one of those complete strangers and go play with them in a private setting. Just because they have nice eyes, broad shoulders, a round ass or seem like a nice person does not mean they safe to play with.

Most dangerous people can hide their true selves over a short period, but over a longer period their true colors will be revealed.

Dominants, you may think that this warning doesn’t include you because you won’t be put in a compromising vulnerable position. However, you must also be careful of playing with anybody you don’t know and trust, because you never know how they will respond to a play scene and the actions they may take afterwards.

DO: Make agreements

While this might be something you’ve heard again and again, it bears repeating: make agreements before you start playing together. The first time, it’s even more important to have a clear game plan of what will happen, how long it will happen, what will happen if things don’t work out, etc. The more you can be detail oriented at the start, the easier it will be to manage the first scene together.

Dominants: even more important, play within the agreement and do not stray outside of it. You gave your word to abide by the agreement. During play is your time to prove you are a trustworthy Dominant that will respect the agreements you have made with the submissive you are playing with.

DON’T: ‘See what happens’

The worst thing you could do would be to go into a scene without any idea about what might happen. This can cause troubles with managing boundaries and understanding when something isn’t working.

If you just decide to wing it and see what happens plan to deal with the consequences afterwards. This tends to include limits being broken, emotions erupting, physical damage occurring and traumatized participants. BDSM is meant to be exciting and fun and nothing in that list sounds exciting and fun to deal with.

DO: Let others know

Before you go to the scene, let a trusted friend or two know where you will be and when you expect to get back. This will ensure your whereabouts are always known and that someone can do something if you don’t come back on time.

DON’T: Be secretive

Some might want to keep things secret, and nobody is saying you have to scream what you are doing to the rafters or your family members, but a close friend or friends should know what you are doing, where you are going and who you are with. You must have a backup plan to ensure your safety. This is called a ‘safety call’.

DO: Communicate when you’re in pain or need to stop

Whenever you’re in a scene and something isn’t working, you need to make sure you’re communicating with your partner. You need to use your safeword and you need to make sure things stop. Since your partner will not know what is painful to you, they need to have direct communication to ensure things aren’t causing harm. Make sure to use the same safeword that you agreed to, and don’t be afraid to say something more powerful if they don’t get the hint the first time. Better to stop too early than to stop things too late.

DON’T: Try to tough it out to show the other person you can take it

Some submissives want so badly to impress their new Dominant that they will go beyond their pain threshold. But while this might seem to be a noble thing, it can also cause long-term harm to your body. Instead, be willing to speak up as soon as something hurts, even if it doesn’t seem to be a big deal. The Dominant will then know that you are going to communicate, and they can focus on their tasks and goals knowing you are working with them to create an experience you will both enjoy.

DO: Keep the session short

During the first session with a new person, it’s a good idea to keep the session short and sweet. This way, you can have a good time and you can look forward to more meetings if things work out. Longer sessions can work too, but it’s a better idea to focus on something working well than to see how long you can be in a scene together.

Enjoy a light soft scene with your new partner, and you will keep them longing for more. Try to push them to their absolute limit, which you have no idea where that limit currently exists and chances are good it will end in disaster.

DON’T: Have an unlimited timeframe

Another great thing about having a short first session is that you will know the end time. Others in your life will know, too, so they can check on you, thus leading back to your safety call. When you say that you’re going to have a session for a night, you might end up in harm’s way or you might open yourself up to injuries. Either way, the bigger the window, the more opportunity for something to go wrong and nobody knowing about it to be able to help you.

DO: Stick to something simple

There is no need to impress the Dominant on the first scene together, so stick to something simple. When you do that, you’ll be able to enjoy what happens and look forward to making things more complicated in the future. I know W/we as human beings can get overly excited but always remember “Less Is More”

DON’T: Put Yourself In A Vulnerable Position

This is the first time you are playing with this person, so you are stepping into unknown territory. You need to be in a position where you can easily put a stop to a scene. That means being able to pick yourself up with your own force and moving yourself to a safer place if your safeword is not being respected.

Some activities that restrict you in any way should be avoided in your first encounter with someone else may include:

  • Bondage
  • Blindfolds/hoods
  • Gags
  • Electro stimulation
  • Wrestling

DON’T: Try the most complicated BDSM Activities

Even if you’re both experienced, complicated scenes just invite the possibility of things going wrong when you don’t know exactly what the other person likes or how they react. Instead, allow yourself to enjoy what is happening in a simple scene and sketch out more difficult endeavors when you know each other better.

DO: Use Your Own Toys

Any toy that is being used on your body, should be owned/cleaned by the person it is being used on. Most times, this is the submissive or bottom in the scene. If you don’t know:

  • how clean the toy being used is
  • If the toy has even been cleaned
  • If the toy has been used before
  • Or who the toy has been used on previously (which should be nobody)

Then it is safe to say you should not have that toy used on you. This is usually why it is a good idea that submissives bring their own toys, so they can be aware of who the toy has been used on and how clean it is considering it is going to be used on them.

DON’T: Leave immediately after

While your schedule might require you to leave as soon as a scene is over, you will want to leave just a few minutes time for some aftercare and some decompression. When you leave immediately, you can end up leaving a person in a bad sub or Dom drop, emotionally and physically drained and/or hurt. Give your partner the respect of having the comfort and support of being able to come down from a scene gently in a safe environment.

DO: Talk about how it went afterward

The best way to learn from what you have done is to talk about the scene when it is finished. You can talk about what worked, what didn’t and what you might do differently the next time. This might be an opportunity to to talk about what you thought you would like, but you didn’t. Or you might offer suggestions for trying something similar in the future.

DO: Be honest

Of course, you want to be honest when you’re first starting to play with someone. It’s best to share what you thought, rather than trying to play nice and not hurt their feelings. You don’t have to be cruel either, but being honest is the best way to see if you’re the right fit for each other.

DON’T: Be vague or accommodating

If you aren’t clear about what worked, the other person will never know. If you are not clear about how you feel or how it made you feel, your partner will never know. If you want this to work on in the future, they need to know.

When it comes to playing with someone for the first time, you want to make sure you’re being honest, safe, and always direct. Though you might not be a good fit, you should both have a pleasant time with each other.

Some partners will hit it off right away, while others will need to have more time practicing to see if they’re the best matchup. And sometimes, you might get into a scene for a few minutes and you’ll know that things aren’t going to work out.

No matter which of the above examples you are, remember that the first time requires rigorous attention to your safety with special care and special attention provided to your partner. No one is saying to not have fun, but it is important that both the Dom and sub take responsibility for themselves and their partner seriously. In the end this will develop a safer and supportive environment where both partners can feel more at ease and able to enjoy.

Do you have any Dos or Don’ts you have on your list of playing for the first time? Feel free to share it!

Why I Love Being a Goddess/Domina to My slave

Goddess. Mistress. Domina.

It is not merely a title for me.
It is a word that embodies what I am.

It represents my overwhelming femininity.
My sexual liberation and power.
My utter control.

In so many ways I am your belief, your faith and your everything.

I get inside your head and become completely Omniscient.
There is nothing you can hide from my all seeing eyes.
Your every fear, thrill and fantasy are mine to study and enjoy.

I fill your every thought with me and become Omnipresent.
I am you at every struggle and success that you experience in your life.
Regardless of how many miles apart we might be, you feel my presence and hold over you.

I pull you down to your knees and I am Omnipotent.
I am all powerful over your body, over your thoughts and over your emotions.
You are overwhelmed by my tight hold over you.

I have become the one being that can control you, teach you, use you, play with you, love you and care for you.
I have placed you in the palm of my hand to use for my enjoyment.

Your faith is mine to choose.

And so, you see, I truly am your Goddess & Mistress, your Domina, an all-powerful woman.
And down at my feet you will always be… to worship, to serve and to obey.


Dictionary for Women’s Personal Ads

My longtime friend and partner in all things emailed this to me a while back. I recently found it while cleaning out my (almost) abandoned ‘Saved’ files. I’m sharing it now because yes, I’ve use online dating. Also, this is pretty damned funny. I’m sure a few of you (wink-wink) can relate and giggle along with me.


40-ish ………………… 49

Adventurous …………… Slept with all your friends

Athletic ……………… No Tits

Average looking ……….. Has a face like an ass

Beautiful …………….. Pathological liar

Contagious smile ………. Does a lot of pills

Educated ……………… Fucked to death at college

Emotionally secure …….. On medication

Feminist ……………… Fat

Friendship first ………. Former slut/born again virgin

Fun ………………….. Annoying

Gentle ……………….. Dull

Good listener …………. Zones out

New Age ………………. Body hair problems

Old fashioned …………. No blow jobs or anal

Open minded …………… Desperate

Outgoing ……………… Loud and/or embarrassing

Passionate ……………. Sloppy drunk

Poet …………………. Depressive

Professional ………….. Bitch

Romantic ……………… Frigid

Social ……………….. Ass like a clown’s pocket

Voluptuous ……………. Fat

Large lady ……………. Hugely Fat

Wants soul-mate………… Stalker

Widow ………………… Murderess


If you liked this post and know someone else who would get a giggle out of it, share away and make their day! 🙂

101 Ideas to Make Your Sub/Slave Feel Owned

Master/slave dynamics are different than many other relationships within the BDSM lifestyle. Some of these activities may seem extreme but should only be completed between consenting partners. Informed consent (consent with knowledge of the activities and risks involved, also known as RACK) should always be given freely, without coercion or manipulation. If you feel you are engaging in activities that you are not comfortable with, please check abuse resources for organizations that can help.

One of the main factors in feeling truly Owned is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of Master’s/Mistress’ control. These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of their submission, the deeper it becomes….and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas you might want to try. And no matter what rules you decide to make on your own, please be consistent. If you’re unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules you make, then there may as well be no rules at all. There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Master/Mistress who ignores their transgressions and does not exert their Dominance.

1. Have them wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of their submission.

2. When they have broken a rule, talk to them as you punish….and make them speak in detail about why what they  did was wrong.

3. Make them take their shoes off every day as soon as they enters your house.

4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one and have them wear it as often as possible.

5. Have them call you each day at a specified time, no excuses.

6. Give them anklets and tell them they must wear one of them every day, no excuses.

7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious children about), have them kneel before you and ask to accompany you upon the furniture.

8. Choose their hairstyle and go with them to get it cut to your specifications.

9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious children), have them display themselves whenever you come into the room…..legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position you take, they are to be sure your view is unobstructed.

10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure they has an alternative title for you besides Master…..such as “my Love” etc.

11. Use them sexually in a rough, selfish way when you feel like it, interrupting whatever they were doing.

12. Choose a food that they dislike and have them eat a small portion every day for a week.

13. Have them crawl to bed each night.

14. Bring them a stuffed animal each time you go out of town. ~grin~

15. Choose their clothing each day.

16. Have them get your daily wardrobe ready for you the night before; laid out, ironed etc.

17. After punishment, have them kiss your boots and thank you for loving them enough to correct them.

18. Have them bring a warm towel to wash and massage your feet each day after work.

19. Get them tattooed (your choice of art and location).

20. Get them pierced (or preferably if you are trained, do it yourself).

21. Get them branded.

22. Respect, but push their limits.

23. Ask them each night what they did that day that you would not have approved of. *grin* This gets them in the habit of being completely honest and also makes them conscious of the things they could do better each day.

24. Teach them exactly how you want them to kneel and demand perfection.

25. Reward them by allowing them to please you sexually.

26. Supervise their workout routine.

27. Each night they are to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with their Master/Mistress, and each night they do, they are to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank their Master/Mistress for the privilege.

28. Have them polish your boots weekly, on their knees at your feet.

29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.

30. Give them a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain – 1000 words”

31. Have them keep a diary of their journey into submission.

32. Instruct them that they may never get themselves something to eat or drink in your presence without first asking you if you want something.

33. Some evenings, keep them on a leash and take them with you no matter what you do, even if you do not speak to them or include them in your activities.

34. When appropriate, they are to speak when spoken to.

35. Reward them by giving them delicious pleasure.

36. On occasion, share them.

37. When it suits you, instruct them not to make eye contact with you without your command.

38. Have them keep their body clean shaven at all times.

39. Conduct random inspections of their body to make sure they keep themselves to your specifications.

40. Make them wear a butt-plug under their clothes whenever they go out alone.

41. For transgressions: have them write your name on the bottom of their foot and tell them to remember they are walking on you with each step. (This is harder to do that you might think….)

42. Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare.

43. Give them reading assignments.

44. Test them on the reading assignments, to make sure they learned the appropriate lessons from each.

45. Instruct them to keep their toenails painted perfectly everyday and check to see that they are before bed

46. Make it their responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment and to keep them clean and neat.

47. Reward them by letting them name their favorite scene, toys, etc.

48. Call them your slut, your pet, etc.

49. Have them make a list of the 10 things that make them the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

50. Work with them, having them do the things on the list (if possible), so that they conquer those fears and hesitations.

51. Pamper them. Wash their body and hair, having them remain perfectly still as you turn them and move them about.

52. Hand feed them like a small child on occasion.

53. Have them eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

54. For transgressions: make them wear a sign to the next public function naming their crime. (ouch)

55. Praise their dedication when they have pleased you well.

56. Instruct them that they are never to touch your body without permission.

57. Have them write a meditation about their submission, devotion and trust in you….to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

58. Some days allow them no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

59. For transgressions: deny them play.

60. For transgressions: deny them orgasm.

61. For transgressions: Command that they are to be silent for a week. They may not speak and will take whatever pain or pleasure you give as silently as possible.

62. Treat them like a pet in front of friends, making them present themselves, turn themselves, etc.

63. Give them a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience – 1000 words”

64. Have them wear a toe ring.

65. Tell them one morning that they must cum for you 15 times that day and then write about the day.

66. Have them wear nipple clamps under their clothing out to dinner.

67. On your birthday, let them receive your spankings.

68. Spend time training them how to move gracefully to please you.

69. For transgressions: stand them in the corner like a 3 year old.

70. Always flog them after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.

71. Speak about them as if they were not present.

72. For transgressions: deny them any D/s at all for a week; letting them do just as they please, not allowing them to serve you in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame them and certainly make them strive to please you when it is over and they are in their place again.

73. Defend their honor to those who would disrespect your prized possession.

74. Pet them often.

75. Have them be a camgirl/boy for a night.

76. Whenever possible (i.e. no children), have them sleep in a cage.

77. Buy them sexy or slutty clothes to your liking.

78. Teach them things, expand their knowledge in a patient parental way.

79. When you are away, call them and have them masturbate for you.

80. If you choose to play with others, make sure your slave knows who is first in your heart and that some things are just for them.

81. Remember their birthday.

82. Lead them with a loving fist in their hair.

83. Wake them each morning with an assigned task for the day and make sure it is done by day’s end.

84. Teach them patience.

85. Videotape your sessions and watch them together.

86. On long trips, have them wear dildo latex underwear.

87. Hand feed them chocolate.

88. Have them place their regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside, or the buckles buckled. Inspect them periodically.

89. Keep a list of their transgressions in a little book. Let them slip for a while, thinking you are not noticing, then one day bring out the book and have a day of atonement.

90. Tickle them just because you can.

91. Have them be perfectly still and quiet while you bring them extreme pleasure. When they move or make a sound punish them then return to the pleasure.

92. Keep them locked in their collar when you are home. You place it on them, having them kneel. Wear the key to the lock around your neck.

93. When possible, have them cook and serve your dinner wearing nothing but an apron and collar.

94. Buy them a Polaroid camera and give them assignments to take pictures of themselves for you in certain outfits or positions, etc.

95. Remember to kiss and caress away their tears.

96. Don’t be afraid to bring them to tears, for they are yours as well.

97. Take them and the dog to the park, both on leashes.

98. Caress them, whisper into their ear that you love them, nibble on their belly, lick their thighs and make love to them until they cry.

99. Have them fall asleep with their hand on your privates and tell them you expect it to be there when you awake.

100. Occasionally, fulfill their fantasy.

101. Master’s/Mistress’ word is the last word.


102. Make sure that they are safe at all times. When with you and when you are apart (to the best of your ability). Their vehicle should be in good working order, make sure they have emergency money and a cell phone to call for help if needed.

103. Be consistent.

104. Take the time to talk to them. Learn their fears, their dreams and fantasies. Use your knowledge.

105. When you go out of town, forbid them to shave their genitalia. Shave them yourself when you return.

106. Specify exactly how they will address you in private and in public.