30 Ways to Annoy Someone

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “erotic massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and
announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog”.
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”.
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training”.
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your
neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy
them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person”.
26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.


What Facebook Relationship Statuses Really Mean

Women: I’m single again! Now’s my chance to have that special me time and hang out with my best girls. I get to go out for a night on the town, order a couple of Cosmos and flirt with the bartender of that new bar downtown. At least, if he decides to ask me to have an after hours drink, I can say yes!
Men: PARTY! Time to call the guys and get wasted. Woohoo!

Women: So I’ve been seeing this cute bartender. I met him one night when I went out with some of my girlfriends. It’s been a bit hard since he works nights, so I only see him on certain days. Other days though, he doesn’t even call. So when people ask me if I’m seeing someone, I always say it’s complicated.
Men: I’ve just added another fuck buddy to my calendar. Problem is, she’s only available on the same night as Amber. Fuck me. Oh well, guess I’ll have to find a way to fit her into my schedule.

Women: I finally have a boyfriend. I’m so ecstatic! Now I have someone to cuddle with at night and finally bring home for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait for him to meet my family.
Men: Crap. Now I have to remember to put the toilet seat down. And to delete Amber’s number from my phone. Damn.

Women: We’ve finally made it official! There’s someone who shares my lifelong hopes and dreams. I can already picture the white picket fence and gorgeous green lawn. It’s going to be wonderful. As long as he quits his job as a bartender and finds something more stable too, things will be perfect.
Men: Bachelor Party! Vegas here we come, baby! I’m looking forward to a few hangover episodes myself. Bam!

Women: I’ve met the man of my dreams. I had the most beautiful wedding with the perfect gown and the best groom a girl could ask for. He even served up mixed drinks just like Tom Cruise in Cocktail, so cute! And now we already have a baby on the way. Life is grand!
Men: So I’ve finally given in to the ball and chain. That’s it, my life as I know it is over. On the plus side, I get to have sex regularly and I don’t need to use a condom. Yay, me.

Women: I hate him! The asshole was cheating on me with some stupid chick named Amber. What the hell kind of name is that anyway? She sounds like a slut. He better cough up that alimony, and soon. Idiot thinks I can take care of 3 kids on my own. Worst mistake of my life.
Men: Fuck. Should have deleted Amber’s name when I had the chance. Good thing my job in Harry’s is still waiting for me.

So before you decide to even go near your Facebook profile again, take a second to ponder what exactly you want people to know. Whether you decide to tell the whole world that you’re either single, in a complicated relationship, or tied down with 2 kids, 4 dogs, 3 cats and another puke maker on the way, think again. I’m pretty sure the high school crush you’ve been cyber stalking since they became officially single once more isn’t as cute as they were in 1998. That profile picture was probably taken at a really good angle. About 10 years ago.

BDSM 101: The Bones of a D/s Relationship

BDSM relationships are not easy, they are not simple and there is no “normal” dynamic. I’ve said before that there is no way to describe the ultimate BDSM relationship, however there are certain protocols that create a sound foundation for one. Without a majority of these, a D/s relationship can be chaotic, full of misunderstandings, anger and jealousy.

Honest Communication

When you first meet someone I believe it is best to be honest about your desires, expectations and experience. You don’t need to force them to listen to you while you tell them your life story, but the major events, anything that could affect your relationship should be noted after a few dates/meetings or after things have gotten a bit more serious.

I also believe in voicing any concerns or issues within the relationship freely between each other. If you can, try to approach a problem after you have had time to think about it yourself. This will give you time to detach any emotions you were feeling at the time of the incident and look at it from a different perspective.

If need be, you can always ask an unbiased third party to examine the situation and give you advice.

Open Negotiations

If you decide to pursue a serious D/s relationship with someone the next step would be to discuss negotiations. You will go over different topics depending on whether this negotiation is for an individual scene or the relationship. You will discuss your limits, safewords, what activities will be involved in a scene, what rules you will follow, punishments for breaking a rule, what daily activities your top will have control over and what daily activities or “chores” the bottom will have to complete. Again, not all of these will apply directly to YOUR relationship, but the negotiations should always take place before you have a scene with someone new.

Without negotiations your relationship may always feel like it is on the edge. The Top could claim they didn’t know that knife play was a hard limit or the bottom could decide to pursue other tops without clarification that their current relationship was supposed to be monogamous. These simple misunderstandings could lead to jealousy and anger, but are easily avoided with thorough negotiations or going over a BDSM checklist together.

(If you want to be formal with your negotiations, discuss your details and create a written contract.)


Both partners must respect each other. If you do not have respect for that person, then it is going to be difficult to trust them in a scene and then there is no where to move forward. Respect means being faithful to your agreed negotiations and being honest with your partner. Also, being respectful does not mean you have to agree with them 100% of the time. You are allowed to safe word or bring up an issue you feel is important, but how you go about doing that is the key. Be calm and do not break rules in the process of trying to prove a point.


There are two main thoughts on safety in BDSM. The first is SSC, which means “Safe, Sane, Consensual” and the second is RACK, which means “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. They differ on the degree of safety (Those who practice by “SSC” largely looks down upon edge play because it is more dangerous than other forms of BDSM, but RACK allows for more riskier play as long as the partners are aware of possible complications and take appropriate safety precautions).

To be as safe as you can, make you sure you do plenty of research before attempting an activity. If you can, speak to someone who has tried it before and get tips and advice from those more experienced.

Be sure you are aware of any potential danger related to the activity. If there are medical issues, do more research on how to avoid an embarrassing trip to the Emergency Room.

Remember, it is the Top’s responsibility to keep the bottom safe. A Top should never lead a bottom into unsafe situation. We trust a Top to guide us safely, and to teach us, through new experiences.

These are a few of the things that are needed to create a solid D/s relationship and, really, almost any relationship. Remember, every relationship is different and may require different attributes, so be sure to discuss your dynamic with your partner.





BDSM 101: First Time Playing with Someone

The first time you ever play with someone might be exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. As with anything new you must be cautious and make your safety the utmost importance. Even if you know the other person, playing together for the first time means you need to be wary of what might happen and how it might happen. Here are a few do’s and don’ts you might want to keep in mind.

DO: Play With Someone You Know And Is Trustworthy

An important acronym in BDSM is SSC “Safe, Sane And Consensual”

One way of making sure you live by the safe and sane part is to ensure you only ever engage in any form of BDSM with someone you truly know inside and out and who has proven through thick and thin they are trustworthy.

Remember trust is earned and it is earned through a person’s actions proving they are trustworthy. This takes time which means be patient and be selective of who you give your trust to.  That is why I suggest to only play with people who you have known for long periods of time as they have taken the time to show you they are trustworthy and you have seen who they truly are as a person. This is essential part for any of the rest of this list to work.

“First Comes Trust, Then Comes Submission”

The same should be said for Domination, bondage, flogging, etc.

Trust should come before any play ever takes place. Trust is when a person’s actions match their words proven over a period of time. It is not earned instantaneously.

DON’T: Play With Anybody You Don’t Know And Don’t Trust

I know the unknown can be super exciting, but the unknown is also unsafe. The reason is since you don’t know this person, you do not know the most important things about them, including whether:

  • Are they a sociopath or psychopath with little to no empathy for others
  • Are they trustworthy and thereby will abide by your agreement and respect your limits
  • Are mentally healthy and stable enough to play
  • Do they have any anger issues
  • Do they know what they are doing and understand the safety measures they must follow

It is important for people to not underestimate the dangers they can face being with someone they don’t know. In a BDSM play scene, people are placed into very vulnerable and truly compromising positions with no way of protection other than a safeword which you have no idea will stop the scene when you are with someone you don’t know.

Chances are fairly high that the idea of being tied up naked in the middle of a subway station in downtown New York would be a dangerous thing to do. You are completely vulnerable and at the mercy of complete strangers. There is no telling what kind of danger you could be in.

I hate to say it, but it is just as unsafe to pick one of those complete strangers and go play with them in a private setting. Just because they have nice eyes, broad shoulders, a round ass or seem like a nice person does not mean they safe to play with.

Most dangerous people can hide their true selves over a short period, but over a longer period their true colors will be revealed.

Dominants, you may think that this warning doesn’t include you because you won’t be put in a compromising vulnerable position. However, you must also be careful of playing with anybody you don’t know and trust, because you never know how they will respond to a play scene and the actions they may take afterwards.

DO: Make agreements

While this might be something you’ve heard again and again, it bears repeating: make agreements before you start playing together. The first time, it’s even more important to have a clear game plan of what will happen, how long it will happen, what will happen if things don’t work out, etc. The more you can be detail oriented at the start, the easier it will be to manage the first scene together.

Dominants: even more important, play within the agreement and do not stray outside of it. You gave your word to abide by the agreement. During play is your time to prove you are a trustworthy Dominant that will respect the agreements you have made with the submissive you are playing with.

DON’T: ‘See what happens’

The worst thing you could do would be to go into a scene without any idea about what might happen. This can cause troubles with managing boundaries and understanding when something isn’t working.

If you just decide to wing it and see what happens plan to deal with the consequences afterwards. This tends to include limits being broken, emotions erupting, physical damage occurring and traumatized participants. BDSM is meant to be exciting and fun and nothing in that list sounds exciting and fun to deal with.

DO: Let others know

Before you go to the scene, let a trusted friend or two know where you will be and when you expect to get back. This will ensure your whereabouts are always known and that someone can do something if you don’t come back on time.

DON’T: Be secretive

Some might want to keep things secret, and nobody is saying you have to scream what you are doing to the rafters or your family members, but a close friend or friends should know what you are doing, where you are going and who you are with. You must have a backup plan to ensure your safety. This is called a ‘safety call’.

DO: Communicate when you’re in pain or need to stop

Whenever you’re in a scene and something isn’t working, you need to make sure you’re communicating with your partner. You need to use your safeword and you need to make sure things stop. Since your partner will not know what is painful to you, they need to have direct communication to ensure things aren’t causing harm. Make sure to use the same safeword that you agreed to, and don’t be afraid to say something more powerful if they don’t get the hint the first time. Better to stop too early than to stop things too late.

DON’T: Try to tough it out to show the other person you can take it

Some submissives want so badly to impress their new Dominant that they will go beyond their pain threshold. But while this might seem to be a noble thing, it can also cause long-term harm to your body. Instead, be willing to speak up as soon as something hurts, even if it doesn’t seem to be a big deal. The Dominant will then know that you are going to communicate, and they can focus on their tasks and goals knowing you are working with them to create an experience you will both enjoy.

DO: Keep the session short

During the first session with a new person, it’s a good idea to keep the session short and sweet. This way, you can have a good time and you can look forward to more meetings if things work out. Longer sessions can work too, but it’s a better idea to focus on something working well than to see how long you can be in a scene together.

Enjoy a light soft scene with your new partner, and you will keep them longing for more. Try to push them to their absolute limit, which you have no idea where that limit currently exists and chances are good it will end in disaster.

DON’T: Have an unlimited timeframe

Another great thing about having a short first session is that you will know the end time. Others in your life will know, too, so they can check on you, thus leading back to your safety call. When you say that you’re going to have a session for a night, you might end up in harm’s way or you might open yourself up to injuries. Either way, the bigger the window, the more opportunity for something to go wrong and nobody knowing about it to be able to help you.

DO: Stick to something simple

There is no need to impress the Dominant on the first scene together, so stick to something simple. When you do that, you’ll be able to enjoy what happens and look forward to making things more complicated in the future. I know W/we as human beings can get overly excited but always remember “Less Is More”

DON’T: Put Yourself In A Vulnerable Position

This is the first time you are playing with this person, so you are stepping into unknown territory. You need to be in a position where you can easily put a stop to a scene. That means being able to pick yourself up with your own force and moving yourself to a safer place if your safeword is not being respected.

Some activities that restrict you in any way should be avoided in your first encounter with someone else may include:

  • Bondage
  • Blindfolds/hoods
  • Gags
  • Electro stimulation
  • Wrestling

DON’T: Try the most complicated BDSM Activities

Even if you’re both experienced, complicated scenes just invite the possibility of things going wrong when you don’t know exactly what the other person likes or how they react. Instead, allow yourself to enjoy what is happening in a simple scene and sketch out more difficult endeavors when you know each other better.

DO: Use Your Own Toys

Any toy that is being used on your body, should be owned/cleaned by the person it is being used on. Most times, this is the submissive or bottom in the scene. If you don’t know:

  • how clean the toy being used is
  • If the toy has even been cleaned
  • If the toy has been used before
  • Or who the toy has been used on previously (which should be nobody)

Then it is safe to say you should not have that toy used on you. This is usually why it is a good idea that submissives bring their own toys, so they can be aware of who the toy has been used on and how clean it is considering it is going to be used on them.

DON’T: Leave immediately after

While your schedule might require you to leave as soon as a scene is over, you will want to leave just a few minutes time for some aftercare and some decompression. When you leave immediately, you can end up leaving a person in a bad sub or Dom drop, emotionally and physically drained and/or hurt. Give your partner the respect of having the comfort and support of being able to come down from a scene gently in a safe environment.

DO: Talk about how it went afterward

The best way to learn from what you have done is to talk about the scene when it is finished. You can talk about what worked, what didn’t and what you might do differently the next time. This might be an opportunity to to talk about what you thought you would like, but you didn’t. Or you might offer suggestions for trying something similar in the future.

DO: Be honest

Of course, you want to be honest when you’re first starting to play with someone. It’s best to share what you thought, rather than trying to play nice and not hurt their feelings. You don’t have to be cruel either, but being honest is the best way to see if you’re the right fit for each other.

DON’T: Be vague or accommodating

If you aren’t clear about what worked, the other person will never know. If you are not clear about how you feel or how it made you feel, your partner will never know. If you want this to work on in the future, they need to know.

When it comes to playing with someone for the first time, you want to make sure you’re being honest, safe, and always direct. Though you might not be a good fit, you should both have a pleasant time with each other.

Some partners will hit it off right away, while others will need to have more time practicing to see if they’re the best matchup. And sometimes, you might get into a scene for a few minutes and you’ll know that things aren’t going to work out.

No matter which of the above examples you are, remember that the first time requires rigorous attention to your safety with special care and special attention provided to your partner. No one is saying to not have fun, but it is important that both the Dom and sub take responsibility for themselves and their partner seriously. In the end this will develop a safer and supportive environment where both partners can feel more at ease and able to enjoy.

Do you have any Dos or Don’ts you have on your list of playing for the first time? Feel free to share it!

Why I Love Being a Goddess/Domina to My slave

Goddess. Mistress. Domina.

It is not merely a title for me.
It is a word that embodies what I am.

It represents my overwhelming femininity.
My sexual liberation and power.
My utter control.

In so many ways I am your belief, your faith and your everything.

I get inside your head and become completely Omniscient.
There is nothing you can hide from my all seeing eyes.
Your every fear, thrill and fantasy are mine to study and enjoy.

I fill your every thought with me and become Omnipresent.
I am you at every struggle and success that you experience in your life.
Regardless of how many miles apart we might be, you feel my presence and hold over you.

I pull you down to your knees and I am Omnipotent.
I am all powerful over your body, over your thoughts and over your emotions.
You are overwhelmed by my tight hold over you.

I have become the one being that can control you, teach you, use you, play with you, love you and care for you.
I have placed you in the palm of my hand to use for my enjoyment.

Your faith is mine to choose.

And so, you see, I truly am your Goddess & Mistress, your Domina, an all-powerful woman.
And down at my feet you will always be… to worship, to serve and to obey.


Dictionary for Women’s Personal Ads

My longtime friend and partner in all things emailed this to me a while back. I recently found it while cleaning out my (almost) abandoned ‘Saved’ files. I’m sharing it now because yes, I’ve use online dating. Also, this is pretty damned funny. I’m sure a few of you (wink-wink) can relate and giggle along with me.


40-ish ………………… 49

Adventurous …………… Slept with all your friends

Athletic ……………… No Tits

Average looking ……….. Has a face like an ass

Beautiful …………….. Pathological liar

Contagious smile ………. Does a lot of pills

Educated ……………… Fucked to death at college

Emotionally secure …….. On medication

Feminist ……………… Fat

Friendship first ………. Former slut/born again virgin

Fun ………………….. Annoying

Gentle ……………….. Dull

Good listener …………. Zones out

New Age ………………. Body hair problems

Old fashioned …………. No blow jobs or anal

Open minded …………… Desperate

Outgoing ……………… Loud and/or embarrassing

Passionate ……………. Sloppy drunk

Poet …………………. Depressive

Professional ………….. Bitch

Romantic ……………… Frigid

Social ……………….. Ass like a clown’s pocket

Voluptuous ……………. Fat

Large lady ……………. Hugely Fat

Wants soul-mate………… Stalker

Widow ………………… Murderess


If you liked this post and know someone else who would get a giggle out of it, share away and make their day! 🙂

101 Ideas to Make Your Sub/Slave Feel Owned

Master/slave dynamics are different than many other relationships within the BDSM lifestyle. Some of these activities may seem extreme but should only be completed between consenting partners. Informed consent (consent with knowledge of the activities and risks involved, also known as RACK) should always be given freely, without coercion or manipulation. If you feel you are engaging in activities that you are not comfortable with, please check abuse resources for organizations that can help.

One of the main factors in feeling truly Owned is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of Master’s/Mistress’ control. These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of their submission, the deeper it becomes….and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas you might want to try. And no matter what rules you decide to make on your own, please be consistent. If you’re unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules you make, then there may as well be no rules at all. There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Master/Mistress who ignores their transgressions and does not exert their Dominance.

1. Have them wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of their submission.

2. When they have broken a rule, talk to them as you punish….and make them speak in detail about why what they  did was wrong.

3. Make them take their shoes off every day as soon as they enters your house.

4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one and have them wear it as often as possible.

5. Have them call you each day at a specified time, no excuses.

6. Give them anklets and tell them they must wear one of them every day, no excuses.

7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious children about), have them kneel before you and ask to accompany you upon the furniture.

8. Choose their hairstyle and go with them to get it cut to your specifications.

9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious children), have them display themselves whenever you come into the room…..legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position you take, they are to be sure your view is unobstructed.

10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure they has an alternative title for you besides Master…..such as “my Love” etc.

11. Use them sexually in a rough, selfish way when you feel like it, interrupting whatever they were doing.

12. Choose a food that they dislike and have them eat a small portion every day for a week.

13. Have them crawl to bed each night.

14. Bring them a stuffed animal each time you go out of town. ~grin~

15. Choose their clothing each day.

16. Have them get your daily wardrobe ready for you the night before; laid out, ironed etc.

17. After punishment, have them kiss your boots and thank you for loving them enough to correct them.

18. Have them bring a warm towel to wash and massage your feet each day after work.

19. Get them tattooed (your choice of art and location).

20. Get them pierced (or preferably if you are trained, do it yourself).

21. Get them branded.

22. Respect, but push their limits.

23. Ask them each night what they did that day that you would not have approved of. *grin* This gets them in the habit of being completely honest and also makes them conscious of the things they could do better each day.

24. Teach them exactly how you want them to kneel and demand perfection.

25. Reward them by allowing them to please you sexually.

26. Supervise their workout routine.

27. Each night they are to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with their Master/Mistress, and each night they do, they are to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank their Master/Mistress for the privilege.

28. Have them polish your boots weekly, on their knees at your feet.

29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.

30. Give them a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain – 1000 words”

31. Have them keep a diary of their journey into submission.

32. Instruct them that they may never get themselves something to eat or drink in your presence without first asking you if you want something.

33. Some evenings, keep them on a leash and take them with you no matter what you do, even if you do not speak to them or include them in your activities.

34. When appropriate, they are to speak when spoken to.

35. Reward them by giving them delicious pleasure.

36. On occasion, share them.

37. When it suits you, instruct them not to make eye contact with you without your command.

38. Have them keep their body clean shaven at all times.

39. Conduct random inspections of their body to make sure they keep themselves to your specifications.

40. Make them wear a butt-plug under their clothes whenever they go out alone.

41. For transgressions: have them write your name on the bottom of their foot and tell them to remember they are walking on you with each step. (This is harder to do that you might think….)

42. Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare.

43. Give them reading assignments.

44. Test them on the reading assignments, to make sure they learned the appropriate lessons from each.

45. Instruct them to keep their toenails painted perfectly everyday and check to see that they are before bed

46. Make it their responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment and to keep them clean and neat.

47. Reward them by letting them name their favorite scene, toys, etc.

48. Call them your slut, your pet, etc.

49. Have them make a list of the 10 things that make them the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

50. Work with them, having them do the things on the list (if possible), so that they conquer those fears and hesitations.

51. Pamper them. Wash their body and hair, having them remain perfectly still as you turn them and move them about.

52. Hand feed them like a small child on occasion.

53. Have them eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

54. For transgressions: make them wear a sign to the next public function naming their crime. (ouch)

55. Praise their dedication when they have pleased you well.

56. Instruct them that they are never to touch your body without permission.

57. Have them write a meditation about their submission, devotion and trust in you….to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

58. Some days allow them no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

59. For transgressions: deny them play.

60. For transgressions: deny them orgasm.

61. For transgressions: Command that they are to be silent for a week. They may not speak and will take whatever pain or pleasure you give as silently as possible.

62. Treat them like a pet in front of friends, making them present themselves, turn themselves, etc.

63. Give them a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience – 1000 words”

64. Have them wear a toe ring.

65. Tell them one morning that they must cum for you 15 times that day and then write about the day.

66. Have them wear nipple clamps under their clothing out to dinner.

67. On your birthday, let them receive your spankings.

68. Spend time training them how to move gracefully to please you.

69. For transgressions: stand them in the corner like a 3 year old.

70. Always flog them after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.

71. Speak about them as if they were not present.

72. For transgressions: deny them any D/s at all for a week; letting them do just as they please, not allowing them to serve you in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame them and certainly make them strive to please you when it is over and they are in their place again.

73. Defend their honor to those who would disrespect your prized possession.

74. Pet them often.

75. Have them be a camgirl/boy for a night.

76. Whenever possible (i.e. no children), have them sleep in a cage.

77. Buy them sexy or slutty clothes to your liking.

78. Teach them things, expand their knowledge in a patient parental way.

79. When you are away, call them and have them masturbate for you.

80. If you choose to play with others, make sure your slave knows who is first in your heart and that some things are just for them.

81. Remember their birthday.

82. Lead them with a loving fist in their hair.

83. Wake them each morning with an assigned task for the day and make sure it is done by day’s end.

84. Teach them patience.

85. Videotape your sessions and watch them together.

86. On long trips, have them wear dildo latex underwear.

87. Hand feed them chocolate.

88. Have them place their regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside, or the buckles buckled. Inspect them periodically.

89. Keep a list of their transgressions in a little book. Let them slip for a while, thinking you are not noticing, then one day bring out the book and have a day of atonement.

90. Tickle them just because you can.

91. Have them be perfectly still and quiet while you bring them extreme pleasure. When they move or make a sound punish them then return to the pleasure.

92. Keep them locked in their collar when you are home. You place it on them, having them kneel. Wear the key to the lock around your neck.

93. When possible, have them cook and serve your dinner wearing nothing but an apron and collar.

94. Buy them a Polaroid camera and give them assignments to take pictures of themselves for you in certain outfits or positions, etc.

95. Remember to kiss and caress away their tears.

96. Don’t be afraid to bring them to tears, for they are yours as well.

97. Take them and the dog to the park, both on leashes.

98. Caress them, whisper into their ear that you love them, nibble on their belly, lick their thighs and make love to them until they cry.

99. Have them fall asleep with their hand on your privates and tell them you expect it to be there when you awake.

100. Occasionally, fulfill their fantasy.

101. Master’s/Mistress’ word is the last word.


102. Make sure that they are safe at all times. When with you and when you are apart (to the best of your ability). Their vehicle should be in good working order, make sure they have emergency money and a cell phone to call for help if needed.

103. Be consistent.

104. Take the time to talk to them. Learn their fears, their dreams and fantasies. Use your knowledge.

105. When you go out of town, forbid them to shave their genitalia. Shave them yourself when you return.

106. Specify exactly how they will address you in private and in public.

“Women Need To Realize This” (Written By a Guy)

We guys don’t care if you talk to other guys. We don’t care if you’re friends with other guys. But when you’re sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn’t help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we’re still there. We don’t care if a guy calls or texts you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can’t wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you’re pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/stunning, we freaking mean it. Don’t tell us we’re wrong. We’ll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don’t be mad when we hold the door open. Take advantage of the mood I’m in. Let us pay for you! Don’t feel bad. We enjoy doing it. It’s expected. Smile and say ‘thank you.’ Kiss us when no one’s watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody’s looking, we’ll be more impressed. You don’t have to get dressed up for us. If we’re going out with you in the first place, you don’t have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don’t take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don’t get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don’t talk about how hot Chris Brown or Channing Tatum is in front of us. It’s boring and we don’t care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word ‘handsome/beautiful’? I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with ‘Hey handsome!’ instead of ‘Hey baby/ stud/cutie/sexy’ or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn’t like it, either. Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren’t being treated right by a guy, don’t wait for him to change! Ditch his sorry ass, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect. Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you’re at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they’re doing just to look you in the eyes and say ‘I love you’ and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. Life is too short to complain about everything that comes your way, so stop and smell the roses in life because you might never have another time to take it, so take your time because they are all different in every way. Take chances in life. If it doesn’t work out, fine, there are always more roses to smell!

Why Today Is Important

While I don’t share a lot of personal information about my private life, today is an anniversary date that I am proud of. It was six years ago today that I realized how much I had lost due to the use of narcotic painkillers. These were prescribed by my doctors for degenerative migraines. While they did help with some of the pain, they also kept me numb to everything around me: my family, marriage, career…well, basically life. There wasn’t a day that went by between late 1998 and July 9th, 2011 that I didn’t take some kind of pain pill. And even though I tried to be responsible with their use, I didn’t kid myself: I was an addict. The only person who knew how bad it was for me was my (now ex) husband. I never told my parents, brothers/sisters, co workers or friends. That, among other reasons, was the start of the end of my marriage. And for that, I take full responsibility.
After my divorce I moved to Florida. A year later I was told I could have my migraine implant replaced. Trust me, I didn’t hesitate. At that time, I was in a tumultuous relationship with, you guessed it, an addict. When I woke up that balmy July 9th, 2011 morning, I decided enough was enough. All of the pills, patches, nasal sprays, shots… I destroyed them all and went cold turkey. I never told anyone what I had done, much to the chagrin of my doctor, who said stopping a narcotic cold turkey and not letting anyone know so I could be properly monitored was not only a bad idea, it could have been fatal.
On August 3rd, 2011, I had a 2nd surgery to fix my implant so it would work correctly. I went through recovery from that surgery with zero painkillers. I was in extreme pain, but I lived with the best friends a person could ask for that helped me while I healed. Though a spinal cord stimulator is not a cure, the migraines are more manageable.
In this past six years, I’ve had some really bad migraines. Anyone reading this knows I post about it. Yet I soldier on. I have good days and bad ones. I’ve learned to work more closely with my doctor, who is thrilled that I refuse anything narcotic/addictive. Most cause rebound migraines anyway, which can be just as painful. I stick with alternative treatment methods. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the pain is so bad I’d almost give my soul for a single Vicodin. But narcotic painkillers are, at best, a temporary treatment when used properly. Narcotics are NOT a cure.
Six years later, here I am. I’m not tall, thin, gorgeous or wealthy. One thing I can say that I am, though; I’m narcotic free. ღღ
* I post this to my Facebook page every year. Please forgive any errors about the date.

What A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

When you’re a Dominant, you’ll be the one who is going to tell the submissive what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. However those parts of your relationship might seem clearer than other parts. While the submissive might think they simply have to follow your orders, they need to do more for you than they may have expected at first. Here are eleven things that your submissive can do for a Dominant in order to make your job easier.
The Sub Must be Honest
While it should go without saying, everyone in any relationship should be honest and clear with each other. When a sub isn’t clear about what they are feeling or what they need, then the Master or Mistress isn’t going to be able to help. Likewise, if the Dominant isn’t honest, then the submissive isn’t going to know what they have done wrong and how they can fix it. Honesty is imperative so everyone gets what they want from the relationship.
The Sub Must Communicate
Hand in hand with honesty is the need for communication. A submissive needs to be willing to talk with their Master or Mistress on a regular basis. This might look like a regularly scheduled meeting or some other agreed upon communication tool. In doing so, there will be times for bigger things to be discussed and problems to be solved outside of the scene.
With these ‘musts,’ the submissive will be able to perform their tasks well – and you as the Dominant will be able to focus on what you need to do: train and control.
With that said, a Dominant should never punish a sub for communicating honestly with them. As all the Dominant does is teach the submissive to do is avoid being open and honest. That doesn’t mean a sub can’t learn how to politely and respectfully communicate these honest thoughts.
The Sub Should Learn Their Responsibilities
While it seems like it would be a natural part of the Dom/sub relationship, some submissives just don’t realize that they need to understand what is expected of them (as agreed upon by both partners). They need to be able to take on those responsibilities without being told hundreds of times they need to do X or Y. If the submissive isn’t trying to learn their responsibilities, they might be better off not being in a relationship where responsibilities are necessary.
A submissive needs to be responsible and accountable for their actions. If a person is not willing to be either of these, than they might prefer a role as a baby, brat, puppy or some other kind of role play where they can just enjoy the moments you share together.
There is nothing wrong with a person not wanting to take on the responsibilities of a submissive. However, a person should never ask a Dominant to take on the responsibilities of a Dominant, if they are not willing to take on the responsibilities of a submissive. It is crucial that both Dominant and submissive accept their responsibilities within an agreed upon Dom/sub relationship.
The Sub Should Be Patient
A lot of resources will talk about how the Master or Mistress in a relationship needs to be patient with the submissive, but that doesn’t always happen in the other direction. While you might be the Dominant, your submissive needs to be patient with you, as you don’t always know exactly what to do and when to do it. Dominants are human after all and are prone to make mistakes from time to time.
Or you might have longer term plans in place for your sub, which means they might not get what they want right away. A submissive who isn’t understanding or patient is one that isn’t listening to their Master or Mistress. They’re just trying to ‘top from the bottom.’
The Sub Should Be Practical and Realistic
Yes, many subs want to be controlled 24/7 and they want to be thrown into a dungeon in the dark. But bills still need to be paid, and most relationships have other things that need attention. A submissive needs to realize sometimes responsibilities outside of the Dom/sub relationship need to be looked after before the Dominant can focus on their submissive. They will get attention when it’s time to get attention, but only after life responsibilities have been taken care of.
The Sub Should Be Understanding And Sympathetic
A submissive must know that regular life stressors can become overwhelming for a Dominant just like it can for a submissive. Not only should a Dominant not train/play during these times, they may not have any desire too.
Many submissives struggle with the same issues, and when overwhelmed with life stressors can lose their desire to serve. A understanding ear and sympathetic hand can go a long way to helping a person deal with such stress. If a submissive expects this, a Dominant should be no different.
We all need help when times get tough. Yes, even Dominants need a helping hand from time to time.
The Sub Must Try To Learn
A submissive who is coming into a training session without maintaining their knowledge is one who isn’t giving 100%. Submissives MUST be willing to learn from each session. Sure, you will have off days now and again, but the more they practice and the more a sub focuses on their role, the more they will retain. If the sub isn’t retaining knowledge, they may need to go back to basic sessions until they can hold onto the information they have been given.
This really goes back to responsibilities. If the sub asked to be submissive, part of their role is learning and maintaining that information. If the submissive is not willing or does not want to learn, perhaps they just don’t want the responsibility of being a submissive.
Again, there is nothing wrong with that, as a person’s kink is their kink and should be enjoyed how they want. With that said, there is nothing more frustrating putting in the time and energy to teach someone who never wanted to learn in the first place. This is why it’s important to know a person’s true desires from the start.
The Sub Should Practice Discretion
Sadly, BDSM is still frowned upon and misunderstood by most people. So it is usually a good idea to keep the Dom/sub side of the relationship and training details secret from most people in your life. I have known many people who have lost friends, been disowned by parents and/or been fired from a job for revealing their BDSM desires. If the Dominant and the submissive aren’t in a community that supports BDSM, it is usually safer to keep details about a Dom/sub relationship private.
It is best to only share information with someone outside of the relationship who you know is either open minded in regards to BDSM or who can truly be trusted to be able to maintain your privacy but still look out for your best interest. As it can be helpful to talk with others about your relationship, kinks and BDSM struggles from time to time. However, it tends to be better to have someone who is kink friendly, as they will understand your need for discretion.
If both partners can not agree on the trustworthiness of an individual than private information about the relationship should not be shared. Remember, it is both people’s (Dom & sub) reputation and life that could be affected by this information being spread to the wrong person.
BDSM is not illegal or immoral, but that doesn’t not stop some people in this world from judging or discriminating against those who practice it.
The Sub Must Trust
At the start of any relationship, there will be a period when the submissive isn’t sure if they can trust their Dominant. It’s natural, in fact the submissive shouldn’t trust a Dominant until they have proven they are trust worthy. But as time goes on, the submissive needs to be able to let go and trust, if the Dominant has shown that they can be trusted.
Just like in a vanilla relationship, you can not have a strong healthy relationship if there is no trust. If a sub doesn’t trust a Dominant, they’re not going to get the most from the relationship and certainly not the most from the training.
The Sub Must Be Sane
A submissive must be clear with their Dominant if they have mental health issues. They need to be clear about their mental state, what they are doing for it, and how they are managing any current issues. A sub that doesn’t talk about their mental health issues, does not continuously work on their mental health, doesn’t work with a professional on their mental health or one that goes off their medications without any warning is one that is not going to be safe in a scene with a Dominant.
It is unsafe for both the Dominant and submissive if either is currently suffering from any mental health issues that are not being dealt with.
The Sub Must be in the Present
Everyone will think on their past at some point or another, but when someone in a relationship continues to bring up the past, it’s going to make it hard to focus on the present day. A submissive must be able to think about what is happening right now, and let go of the past. If a sub notices they are focusing on the past too much, it might be a sign they need to work with a professional on letting go of these past situations.
Of course, there are things a submissive needs from a Dominant, so a submissive is able to provide these needs to their Dominant. Don’t think that a Dom/sub relationship is all about the submissive giving to the Dominant, however that will have to be left for another article…